


Rockslide

by JaneyKatherineHummingbird



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Amputation, Bloody Injury, Carol blames herself, Coma, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Guilt, Jim gets hurt, Major Injury, Mother-Son Relationship, Pain, Psychic assault, Sadness, loss of limb, nasty telepathic spy, rockslide - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-29 05:46:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 11,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6361783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneyKatherineHummingbird/pseuds/JaneyKatherineHummingbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day in a cave changes Jim's life forever. Can he and Carol recover from this?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Slide

**Author's Note:**

> This is a longish story that I don't want to rush, so I will keep the updates to once a week. If you're squeamish, you may not like this chapter.

It all happened in the space of two minutes. Kirk and the away team were exploring a cave that appeared to be a rich source of sought after minerals when the ground began shaking and rocks started falling around them. Kirk's voice could be heard yelling, "Get Back! Get Back! DOCTOR MARCUS!!" There was a loud rumbling sound, a spine-tingling scream, and then silence. 

Emergency lights began to flicker on as pale faces stared at each other. In the hubbub of checking for injuries, no one noticed someone was missing.

Dr. McCoy was inspecting a gash on a red-shirts arm when Spock spoke up, "Captain, are you injured?" Silence. "Captain, please report, what is your location?" More deafening silence. A sickening sensation filled the doctor as he looked at the pile of rocks that had fallen during the quake. Jim could be buried underneath it. He had been closest to the slide. 

"Has anyone located the Captain?" Spock repeated, "where was he prior to the disturbance?"  
A wavering voice spoke up. "He---he was beside me, Commander," said a shaky Carol Marcus. "He shoved me out of the way of the slide and I lost sight of him after that." She choked back a sob. 

"Lieutenant Sulu, scan for the captain's life signs. Lieutenants Hendorff and Richards, explore the perimeter of the rockfall and search for any sign of the Captain." Spock's voice was steady as he gave the orders, but those who knew him could tell he was very uneasy. 

After a ten minute search that felt like eternity, Sulu's voice was heard shouting, "We've found him, Commander. He's pinned under a rock! It looks really bad! Get Doctor McCoy!" 

Spock and both doctors followed the sound of the voice around the far side of the pile to where Sulu knelt beside the unconscious form of the captain. Jim was covered in bruises and cuts, but his legs were pinned by large boulder. Judging by the amount of blood seeping out from under him, they were badly injured if not completely crushed. 

Spock looked very serious. Carol turned pale. Bones' face became grim. He didn't have the equipment to properly treat Jim here. They'd have to somehow get that rock off him and try to stabilize him enough for transport. Assuming Jim didn't bleed to death or die of shock. 

"He's still breathing," Sulu informed him as the doctor knelt beside Jim's prone body. He scowled, seeing the damage up close. "This is ugly, Sulu. You guys work on getting that rock off him so I can get him stabilized." He ran his tricorder over the unburied parts of the Captain then set to work trying to keep him from bleeding out.

It was a tricky business, getting the rock off of Jim's legs without it rolling and causing more damage. Spock estimated that it weighed close to one and a half tons, Which meant they'd have to be very clever to get it to budge. While Carol returned to the Enterprise to to fetch Nurse Chapel and additional equipment, Sulu, Spock, and the security team began working on the problem. 

Unfortunately, right at this moment, Jim awoke to great pain and confusion. "Bones?", he gasped, clutching his friend, "Help me, Bones! It hurts like fire." The Doctor reached for a hypo of painkiller and injected it in Jim's neck. "Easy there, Jim," he soothed, "we're going to get you out of here, just stay still, okay?" It pained him seeing Jim suffering so much. Now he understood how it must have been for Spock watching Jim in that death chamber. 

"My legs are pretty much destroyed, considering they feel like pulp," Jim gritted out, trying to keep from throwing up at the thought. He felt the meds kick in and the pain eased a bit, much to his relief. "That's better, Bones. Thanks," he said gratefully. Jim's brow furrowed suddenly. "Was anyone else hurt?", he asked, concerned about his crew. There were a lot of rocks that came down, after all. "Nothing more than cuts and bruises," Bones reassured him. "And Carol's going to be fine. She told me you saved her."

Spock interrupted Jim before he could backpedal and deny anything. "Doctor, we are prepared to move the boulder. Nurse Chapel has arrived to assist you with the Captain. Jim, are you in distress?" Spock sounded human again. He very rarely referred to Kirk by his first name. Jim smiled a bit. "Not as much right now, Spock," he managed. Doctor McCoy noted with alarm how much weaker he looked. "Do it, Spock," he ordered, "if we wait any longer, I won't be able to save him." 

Spock nodded and took up his position on the makeshift device they had constructed that would lift the rock up enough to get Jim out. Christine arrived, with a stretcher and medical bag. "Hang in there, Captain. This is really going to hurt", she warned, taking one of Jim's cold hands in hers. He gave her a wan smile. "Nice of you to drop by, Chapel. You're a refreshing change from staring at Bones' ugly mug."  
"Watch it, Jim, muttered the doctor with a fake frown as he braced Jim on the other side.

"Are you ready, Doctor?", inquired Spock. "As much as we can be," he answered, "go ahead and move it."   
"Very well. Mr. Sulu, raise the lever."   
The rock inched up. Jim's knuckles turned white while he gripped the hands of his CMO and head nurse. He let out a scream as the Boulder moved off of him. Christine and Leonard pulled Jim forward slowly so he was out of its path. Jim then made the mistake of trying to see his legs, resulting in a violent fit of retching. "Not a good idea, Jim," sighed the doctor as he wiped Jim off. But Jim had passed out again. 

The medical team flew into action, applying tourniquets and splints, to keep the pieces of his legs together and stem the blood flow. His black pants were already soaked in it. Bones gave him another dose of painkiller and the captain was placed on the stretcher and evacuated from the cave. Soon after, he was returned to his silver lady and rushed into surgery.


	2. Bad News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carol and Uhura wait while Jim undergoes surgery.

The surgery took seven hours. For Carol Marcus, it felt like eternity. She sat outside the operating room in Medbay, kicking herself over and over for becoming distracted and forcing Kirk to run back for her. She replayed the horrible moment in her mind countless times: the giant rock rolling unstoppable downhill and Jim being crushed beneath it. And that scream......she shuddered just thinking about it. Lieutenant Uhura, who had been ship bound due to her risky pregnancy, was sitting with her keeping vigil along with anyone not on duty. 

"Carol, sweetie, don't be hard on yourself. It was an accident and Jim reacted with his protective captainly instincts." "But I wasn't paying attention," Carol sniffed, "if I had, neither of us would have been hurt." Uhura wrapped an arm around her. "You're a scientist," she reminded her friend, "you were doing your job investigating possible dilithium deposits." "The Lieutenant is correct, Dr. Marcus," Spock chimed in, "you are not to blame for the Captain's injury." He was sitting on Uhura's other side, calmly waiting with his wife. Carol wished she had some of that fortitude.

When Doctor McCoy finally emerged, he looked exhausted and downright sad. Carol's fear returned and she jumped up, heart in her throat. If Jim had died.....

"Whoa there, Doctor Marcus. He's alive. Critical, but stable. He'll pull through but.." He wiped his hand across his eyes and swallowed hard before continuing. "I had to take the left leg off just above the knee. The right Geoff and I pieced back together, but the chances of it returning to full function are not good. He'll need some additional surgery and treatments we don't have here. I don't normally perform this kind of operation on a ship at all, but in this case it was life or death. It kills me to say this, but his captaining days are over." 

The room went silent as they soaked in the heart wrenching news. Carol's eyes filled with tears. How devastating for Jim. He lived for his ship. He was born to be a captain and everybody knew it. According to reports, he hadn't handled it well when he lost her after the Nibiru incident. And now his career was pretty much destroyed. 

Over the course of the five year mission, she had made friends with Jim, who was really a witty and interesting guy despite the egotistical bravado act he put on. He understood what it meant to have a father's shadow looming over him and he made sure she was welcomed into the Enterprise family.

Would he hate her when he woke up and found out his leg was gone? She put her face in her hands and sobbed. 

"Please inform us when he wakes, Doctor," she vaguely heard Spock say as Uhura steered her out of Medbay, tears streaming down her own face. With a heavy heart, Spock made his way to the bridge to inform the admiralty and begin a report he really wished was untrue.


	3. Good-bye, Enterprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones has to tell Jim the awful news about his leg. Carol remains elusive.

Chapter 3

Jim woke up the third day after the accident. He felt woozy, floaty, and very thirsty. He supposed Bones would be coming in to give him his usual lecture on stupidity and tell him how long he would be imprisoned in Medbay. But when the doctor came in, his usual grumpy scowl was absent. He looked all doctor and genuinely concerned, which made Jim nervous. And why couldn't he feel his legs?

"Bones? Why the long face? Aren't you going to lecture me and let me go?", he asked, trying to be lighthearted. It failed. Bones now looked just plain sad. He hesitated for a minute before he spoke, looking Jim straight in the eye. "Jim, do you remember what happened in the cave?" "Sort of?" He was rather fuzzy on the details. "Got hit with some rocks, I think." 

"Actually a two ton boulder." Bones corrected him. "And it didn't merely hit you, it pulverized your legs. I had to.....take off most of your left leg and the right one had a dozen serious fractures that might not heal fully. You almost bled to death, Jim. I hated having to do that. I'm sorry." His voice trailed off and he stared at the floor, obviously devastated by what he had had to do. 

Jim jerked his head up to see for himself and sure enough, past his left thigh was nothing but flat bedsheets. He felt dizzy and let his head fall back again, stunned at the sight. "I hoped it was all just a bad dream," he said, trying not to let his voice tremble. "But the way it landed, I guess I was toast. I guess I can kiss the Enterprise goodbye."   
He covered his face with his hand, hiding the tears that sneaked out. 

"Does the crew know?", he asked after a struggle to get himself under control. "Only those directly involved," his friend answered, giving Jim a sip of water. "But everyone suspects something's wrong. Spock's walking around with the longest face you've ever seen on a Vulcan. It hasn't been this quiet since you....died."

Jim clutched at Bones' hand. "What's going to happen now?" he inquired, trying not to stare at his non-leg. "We're headed back to Starbase 14. They have better equipment to do the more delicate repair work and regenerate your right leg bones. We want you healing properly before you get sent back to earth. You've got a tough road ahead of you, Jim." 

Bones moved to check the regenerator working on Jim's right leg. It would take a long time and more powerful equipment to fully knit the shattered bones back together. "Yeah, but you'll take care of me, won't you Bones?", Jim asked pleadingly. "Course I will," he replied gruffly, "now you rest some more. There are a lot of people eager to see you."

Over the next three days, most of Jim's crew paid him a visit. Most of them left rather shaken at the sight of their energetic captain so maimed. Chekov's eyes kept filling with tears as he glanced at Jim's battered form. Scotty promised to research the best and most advanced prosthetics available, assuring the captain that he would walk again. Jim wasn't sure that could ever be, but he enjoyed the engineers optimism. 

Spock and Uhura visited when they could--especially Uhura, as Spock was busy being acting captain. She was a good listener as Jim poured out his fears and dreads of a life without Starfleet. In his better moods, he discussed his eagerness to meet the baby and how it was bound to be brilliant and gorgeous like its parents. 

Carol, however never came once, which hurt him even though he understood why. She needed time to process what happened. But that didn't make Jim miss her bright presence any less. 

They arrived at Starbase 14 six days after the accident and Jim still hadn't seen hide nor hair of the weapons specialist. He was quiet and pensive as Bones prepared him for the transfer. The Doctor was concerned about infection and constantly monitored Jim for signs of a fever.

After some careful maneuvering by Bones and two nurses, Jim was settled on the gurney and blankets tucked carefully around him. He'd hate to have his whole ship see him like this, but he wasn't going to make them clear the hallways because of his pride. "Bones," he implored as he was wheeled out of Medbay, "if I miss Carol, will you say good-bye to her for me? She seems to be avoiding me. I need her to know it wasn't her fault." 

"I'll see what I can do, Jim." Bones looked troubled. "She's been working crazy hours, taking extra shifts and avoiding pretty much everyone. I think this has dredged up some bad memories. Give her time."

As Jim was wheeled through the ship, he was greeted and saluted by his crew, many of whom were shedding tears at their beloved Captain leaving them in the condition he was. 

Jim put on a cheery face and waved back, reassuring them that he was still alive (though not kicking) But he did not see so much as a glimpse of the familiar blonde bob anywhere and his heart sank. Hopefully, Spock could talk some sense into her. He missed her. He wanted his friend back. She had been woven seamlessly into the Enterprise family and he hoped this horrible incident wouldn't unravel that. Of course, those weren't the ONLY reasons he felt her absence so much, but it would be pointless to dwell on those, especially now.


	4. Carol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Marcus isn't doing well.

Carol herself was in a bad state. In order to block out the images of Jim's accident, she buried herself deeply in weapons maintenance and upgrades. Here, she could forget the horrific scream Jim gave as the rock came down on him. While working with torpedoes, she had to give all her concentration, avoiding the gut-wrenching reality of Jim's lost leg and probably career. She was sickened at the thought of Jim, the most energetic person she knew, forced into a wheelchair. He'd go crazy. Why did she have to hang back in that cave? Why?

She supposed she should have the decency to visit him and at least say thank you for saving her life, but she didn't know how she could get through that without losing her composure at the sight of the leg?

Why did he half to be so heroic? First, he'd walked into a warp core to keep them all from dying at the hands of a madman, now......this.

Jim had welcomed her on his ship, despite her deception. He had flirted with her, befriended her, and seemed to be attempting to start something. She had shut him down so far, but his sincerity had had her softening to the idea more and more.

He would probably get discharged and sent home, while she would be off exploring the Galaxy in the ship he loved, but could no longer captain. Not a great way to start a relationship. 

When he was transferred to the Starbase, she hid in engineering to avoid an encounter. Some coward she was. She watched on a security camera as Jim was rolled through the halls, cheerfully greeting people as if he hadn't a care in the world. But she could see he was not out of the woods yet, judging by the sweat on his pale face and the many tubes attached to him. Carol stayed on the ship and kept working, though many of the crew had been granted shore leave.

The next evening, Lieutenant Uhura paid her a visit in her quarters. "Doctor Marcus, how are you doing? Jim's been asking about you." "I suppose he is." Carol felt a twinge of guilt. "I just can't face him yet. I can't get the sight of him lying there, crushed and bleeding, out of my head. And that scream..." She buried her face in her hands. Uhura wrapped a consoling arm around her. "I'm sorry, Carol. I know it's awful, but you need to take a break," she gently admonished, "working yourself into the ground is only going to delay the emotional crash. You know Jim's not holding this against you, he did what was in his nature. It would mean the world to him if you could pop in for a minute and prove that you weren't hurt physically. I normally wouldn't press the issue, but we've got orders to escort s damaged vessel back to earth and we can't take him with us in his condition."  
"Oh," Carol said in a small voice, "when do we leave?" "In forty-eight hours", replied Uhura, wincing at the short deadline she had to give her. "I guess a couple minutes would be doable. Is Leonard staying with him?" 

"Definitely. There is no way he would let Jim out of his sight until he's out of danger." Carol imagined the feisty doctor guarding Jim's room with dogged determination. "That doesn't surprise me, considering the way he hovered during Jim's recovery from the Khan mess." Sometimes, Carol still couldn't believe that had actually happened. The good doctor didn't know when to give up.

When Uhura left, Carol put away the research she was working on an attempted to get some rest. She slept for several hours before being dragged awake by another nightmare. This time, it was her dad dropping the Boulder on top of Jim, while she screamed helplessly. It was time to see the doctor about a sedative, she decided. She couldn't deal with this anymore.


	5. Downturn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carol visits an unconscious Jim, who has taken a turn for the worse.

Chapter 5 

Jim, meanwhile, had taken a turn for the worse. An infection had set in and he developed a high fever in addition to the ongoing pain. Bones looked unhappy every time he checked on him and Jim was slipping in and out of consciousness. Despite the strong antibiotics he was on, a second surgery was required. 

When Carol came to see Jim, she was terrified to see the frantic atmosphere around him and demanded to know what was wrong. No one would tell her, of course, and the sickening terror grew worse when she saw an unconscious Jim headed back to the operating room. She nearly fled back to the ship, but told herself to calm down and wait. She sat in the waiting area for two hours before she saw Doctor McCoy finally emerge.

He looked exhausted and rather shaken, but not about to fall apart, which Carol took as a hopeful sign. "Doctor, how is he?" she asked nervously. The doctor started, then relaxed, seeing who it was. "He'll make it." He sighed tiredly. "Had to take off some toes, but I think we've got the source of infection taken care of. You came to see him before you go, I take it?"

She nodded. "Just for a moment. If it wouldn't be too much trouble. I've been such a coward about it. It's hard to imagine him like that, knowing how much he loves being Captain and generally active." 

He nodded in sad agreement. "Jim's a survivor, though. He's lived through stuff that would have killed anybody else. He'll adapt in time. Right now, I've just got to get him healing, then we'll deal with the ramifications." Leonard looked more closely at her, eyes narrowing as he took in her exhausted features. "You're probably going to collapse soon, if you don't get some sleep." 

"I know," she evaded, "but can I please peek at him for a minute? I've got twenty minutes before I have to get back to the ship." Carol looked at him imploringly and he sighed. "Follow me." He led her to a small room a few doors away. "He's still out, of course, but he's holding his own. Jim's a fighter." With these words, the doctor opened the door and she slipped inside.

Jim was deeply unconscious, but his chest rose and fell steadily and his face wasn't scrunched up in pain. Something in her chest seemed to relax, seeing him in mostly peaceful slumber. It wasn't the cold, waxy, stillness she had had etched into her memory when the body bag was opened in Medbay, revealing the dead face of the captain that still showed signs of the tremendous pain he had endured in the radiation chamber.

No, this was a very much alive Kirk, though the stump visible under the covers hurt her heart.   
Before she left, she whispered in his ear, "Get well, Captain. We will miss you---I will miss you. Thank You." She stopped before she made herself cry and pressed a gentle kiss on Jim's forehead.


	6. Left behind and Bored

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim is getting better--but bored stiff after the Enterprise leaves.

Chapter 6

The Enterprise departed with a heavy-hearted crew. Things just weren't the same without Kirk on the bridge. Even Uhura missed his aggravating cheerfulness. But orders were orders and so they reluctantly said their good-byes to Jim and Leonard. 

After the second surgery, Jim's recovery progressed more smoothly. The special regenerator knit his right leg back together, so he began to be optimistic about using it again, despite the missing toes. He would likely face a medical discharge or retirement from active duty at the least, but he'd have to get back to earth before Starfleet could officially evaluate him.  
In the meantime, he was bed bound and bored. Bones tried to keep him entertained with holovids and books on PADD, but Kirk was a social creature and he missed his friends, especially Carol. Bones had told him about her brief visit and her tormented mental state. He wished she would have spoken to him, but he knew it would have been too much after such a traumatic experience for her.

He consoled himself by remembering the happier moments in their friendship: the beginning of the five year mission when he had welcomed her to the family and the grateful look she shot him, the days of visiting Scotty together, joking and laughing about their silver lady's quirks and seemingly near-sentience, discussing possible upgrades and defense systems together, and the way Carol's eyes sparkled when she talked about her work. He had begun to be hopeful that she would agree to a date.

Not that that would ever happen now. He would be grounded and she would continue to travel the stars. And anyway, who would want a guy with one leg? He looked at his stump in disgust. Even the prosthetic prototypes Scotty sent him to look over didn't cheer him up much. He was going to go stir crazy. 

Bones interrupted his gloomy thoughts when he came in to check Jim's vitals and dressings. "Good news, Jim!", he proclaimed as he scanned Jim from head to foot, "You've got a ride home. The USS Constitution will be swinging by here in a couple weeks and if you're cleared for travel, you can hitch a ride back to earth. What....You don't want to get back to solid ground?", he questioned, seeing Jim blanch at the mention of the prospective transport. "Bones, that's the ship my mom serves on. I haven't had a chance to tell her what happened yet. She's going to kill me." He laid his head back, covering his face with his hands.

"She's been informed, Jim," the doctor told him gently. "We had to notify next of kin since it wasn't looking good for you for awhile. I spoke to her myself. Commander Kirk will not kill you. She's devastated by what happened to you, buts she's really glad to know you're alive. I think she wants a chance to mother you for a while." 

Jim smiled faintly at the idea of being mothered. He and Winona hadn't really had a non-frigid relationship until after his temporary death. The realization of what he had done and nearly losing her youngest son had driven Winona to attempt to make peace. It had been rocky, with so much built up hurt and resentment, but she was there cheering him on as he left the hospital.

"What am I going to do in the meantime, Bones? I'm bored out of my mind laying here." He sighed petulantly. There was only so many times one could watch the same movies over and over again. 

"If you behave, I'll get you a hover chair in a couple days and you can take a tour of this place. There's s group of youngsters in this hospital who would love to get a visit from the great James T. Kirk. We won't be able to do much rehab yet.

Jim groaned. "I figured. Just wait until we get back home and the press gets wind of this. I'll never get any peace. It'll be worse than the Nero debacle." Bones shook his head. "We'll worry about that when the time comes," he said firmly as he gave Jim myriad of hypos, "just concentrate on healing up so your mom doesn't chew me out for letting you wither away.

Jim chuckled to himself and sighed. He might as well re-read the Lord Of The Rings trilogy, that would eat up some time, and he sure didn't have anything else to do. He reached for his PADD.


	7. Jim's Fan Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim makes friends with some adoring young fans.

Jim did his best to behave himself and in a couple days was allowed to roam the hallways in a hover chair for short periods of time. Word seemed to have spread around the Starbase that a certain famous Captain was in residence, because Jim had throngs of admirers, particularly kids, watching him when he went out for a "stroll". 

He couldn't help but smile back. Despite his dislike of being a spectacle, he was a sucker for kids, especially sick or injured ones. So he spent the next several days telling stories to wide eyed groups of children, some with large bandages or crutches or wheelchairs like him. There were Andorians, Caitians, Orions, and even a few Vulcans mixed in with the humans, but they had all heard of him. 

A little Orion girl with big eyes and bouncing curls reminded him of Gaila, his late friend. He enjoyed his conversations with little Willow, who was recovering from nasty burns on her side. She was very sociable and bubbly, like most of her people and would chatter away about her friends and what she was going to do to celebrate when she got out of the hospital. One day, as they were engaged in a game of dominoes, she asked him if his leg hurt. 

He paused and thought how to answer. "Yes, Willow. But it's much less than it did when I first got hurt. Sometimes, my brain thinks my legs still there and I feel the whole thing hurting, but I look down and it's not there." "Will you get a artificial leg?", she asked curiously, "cause my friend Tashir has one and he walks just fine now." Kirk smiled at her as he placed another domino. 

"Of course I will. But we have to wait until my other leg heals, too. It might not be ready to hold me up for a while, yet." He patted his right leg. It was looking like he would be able to use it again. Bones had been rather positive about his latest scan. 

Willow took her turn and laid down a domino carefully, her young mind whirring with questions. "Will you still be in Starfleet? Mama said they won't let you be captain anymore, because of the rules. She said it was too bad, because you're the best captain they have." 

Jim smiled at the second hand compliment, though the topic was melancholy. "I certainly won't be able to captain anymore, but I might be able to get a job at the academy or in administration. It won't be as much fun, but better than nothing. I can't imagine NOT being in Starfleet." 

Willows black curls bounced as she nodded thoughtfully. "Mama said she hopes you have a pretty girlfriend to take your mind off things." Jim choked back laughter. There was a time in his life when he surrounded himself with pretty women for that very purpose, but not anymore. The Orion mindset tickled him, cause it was how he pretty much went through life before Khan. 

"No," he responded, pulling a mournful face, unfortunately I don't right now. My mom is coming soon and she'll be with me on the way back to earth. She's a commander on the USS Constitution." Before Jim returned to his room, Willow laid her hand on his arm and said earnestly, "I think you are a very brave man, Captain Kirk. I hope you return to good health and your clan prospers." 

After she left, Kirk sat and thought about someone he wished WAS his girlfriend. His leg never bothered him when he did.


	8. Mom arrives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winona Kirk visits Jim.

Chapter 8

The Constitution docked right on schedule and the Starbase was a bustle of activity. Many people were being rotated home or just arriving to to take their new post so there was plenty of traffic outside the hospital. 

Jim was lying down, recovering from a painful therapy session on his right leg, when his mother arrived. She stopped in the doorway and just stared, eyes filling with tears at the sight of her son's wounded body. She covered her mouth with her hand in shock.   
"Hi, Mom," Kirk greeted, trying to give a reassuring smile, "long time no see." Winona rushed forward and knelt beside him, clutching his hand tightly.

"Jimmy! Baby, are you in pain? They told me it was bad, but I couldn't imagine this.......I'm so sorry, honey." Jim returned her hug with a lump in his throat, relieved to have her there and trying not to cry like a baby.   
"I'm doing as well as can be expected, Bones says. I'm cleared to travel now," Jim evaded, not wanting to admit how it throbbed, "Did they tell you how it happened?"

Winona shook her head, staring sadly at the remnant of Jim's leg. "Only that it was crushed and had to be removed. It killed me to think of you suffering so badly. I just about demanded they turn the ship around right then and there." 

"I'll be okay, Mom, he promised, squeezing her hand, "it'll take a lot of adjusting, but I'll learn to live with it. I don't believe in no-win scenarios, after all." 

"No, you don't, honey, but I can see the sadness in your eyes." She lifted his chin up to look her in the eye. "I'm so glad you're alive right now and I'm going to spend my year on earth helping you through this." Jim quirked a bushy eyebrow. "About time they gave you some time on-planet," he grumbled good-naturedly, "Glad the Admirals are so generous." She shook her head. "I see your love of Admirals is unchanging, Jim." "Yep. Steadfast and everlasting," he replied sarcastically. They grinned at each other. Then Jim grew sober again.

"As for how I lost my leg, it was a freak accident. We were exploring a cave that appeared to be a prime mining source of dilithium. A small earthquake hit, causing a rockslide inside the cave. I got nailed by a two ton boulder." He shrugged and looked down at his lap. "Bones saved my life--again. When he retires, they outta give him a generous pension and a medal for dealing with me."

"Yes," agreed Commander Kirk. "It takes a lot of work and determination to keep you patched up. You ready to go home?", she asked, guessing he was probably restless and bored. "Very ready, Mom, very ready. Therapy kicked my butt today. Why don't you catch me up on good ole Starfleet gossip before Bones comes back to riddle me with hypos. Met any strange new species?" 

Winona sensed Jim didn't want to discuss his own condition anymore. He had likely heard plenty from the myriad of Doctors that had been treating him and didn't want to think about the long term consequences yet. She could pump Bones for information later. She took a deep breath and turned the subject towards her own adventures. Jim was entertained with her stories long into the evening.


	9. The Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A spy tries to get information from Carol's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: assault of the mental variety. It is not sexual in nature.

Chapter 9

The Enterprise set course for earth with the battered freighter in tow. The crew continued on with their duties as well as ever, but the shock and horror of what happened in the cave lingered in their minds. Everyone felt the absence of the Captain deeply. Carol went about her work mechanically, still haunted by her memories of the accident and the conflicting emotions she felt about the captain that were exacerbated by his absence. 

The crew of the freighter were mostly Andorian, human and Betazoid: a motley group of weary travelers who were very grateful to be rescued. They had been stranded for a week before the Enterprise arrived. Scotty had gone to their crippled ship with several of its crew to see what repairs could be made. 

Three scientists had been aboard the small ship as well, having paid fare to be ferried to a conference on New Vulcan, so they claimed. They spent a great deal of time talking with Spock and Uhura, and were particularly fascinated with Carol. 

One Betazoid by the name of Dir was content to watch Carol. He hung around her while she was working and asked numerous questions about her job and and said "Starfleet is lucky to have such a brilliant scientist working for them. Your mind is very organized and logical for a human. Such potential!!" 

At first she wasn't bothered, but as he grew more and more interested in what she was working on, she began to get nervous and asked him to leave as diplomatically as possible. He stared at her, sensing her unease and gave a weird grin as he departed. 

Several days went by uneventfully,   
except for her continuing unrest about Jim. She stayed close to Uhura at mealtimes, eating in silence, her eyes watching for Dir the mysterious Betazoid. She was in slightly better spirits after receiving a message from Bones that Jim was now firmly on the road to recovery. On the fourth day out, Carol was so deeply engrossed in a report on the state of the Enterprise's shields that she didn't see or hear Dir approach until he had her in his grasp. 

Alarmed, she tried to break free, but his grip was incredibly strong (too strong for a Betazoid, she thought), so she couldn't use her self-defense moves. She cursed herself for being caught off guard. His hand covered her mouth blocking her yells for help.   
"Now, now, Doctor, no use trying to resist. I will get what I need from you without you even saying a word. Carol's mind raced with the horrible implications of that threat. "But he's a Betazoid! He can't read minds, he can only sense emotions!" She continued to struggle. He wasn't going to take her without a fight. 

Dir smiled nastily. "You are incorrect, Doctor, I am not purely Betazoid. I can read minds like any good telepathic species. You show me the torpedo plans or I take the image from your head!"   
"No!", Carol screamed inwardly, "I will not help a spy! I will not betray my family!" She stood there, trapped, an image of Jim flashed across her mind. Dir leaned in closer. "Ahh, who have we here? An important member of Starfleet? Your lover, perhaps?" He placed his fingers on her head. "And now, I will find out all." 

She screamed as a burst of pain ripped through her skull. Memories went swirling around her mind in random flashes: introducing herself to Jim under a false name, struggling to disarm the torpedo before it killed her and Doctor McCoy, her father's head being crushed in front of her, Jim's dead body in the table in sickbay, and finally the rock falling on him as he pushed her to safety. 

Carol tried hard to keep her mind focused on non classified knowledge, but the pain of resisting him felt like her brain was being ripped apart. She was not equipped to deal with crazy telepathic spies. She hoped the other crew members were safe.....thank goodness Jim wasn't here. 

The door opened suddenly and Spock rushed in with several security officers. Carol didn't know what happened after, as she succumbed to unconsciousness.   
Spock looked very grave as he subdued the spy. He feared the Enterprise had lost yet another officer.


	10. More bad news

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim sets out for earth and hears the news about Carol's attack.

Chapter 10

As Jim and Winona boarded the Constitution for the return to earth, crowds of well-wishers stood waving good-bye. Some of Jim's little buddies from the hospital were right at the front, sad to see their hero leave. Several offered him parting gifts and get well cards they made themselves. Willow came up and gave him a tearful hug. "Goodbye Mister Jim. I hope they can make you a new leg so you can go back on your starship." He hugged her back and smiled. "I hope so too. Goodbye, Willow, take care of yourself." The young Orion presented him with a stuffed sehlat that had a bandaged leg. "T'Ren wanted me to give this to you. She can't leave the hospital yet." 

Jim got a lump in his throat at the children's kind gestures. "Tell her thank you, for me, Willow, and I hope you both live long and prosper." He was smiling as his hoverchair was pushed through the docking corridor into the starship. He was given a small room in the med bay for the duration of the trip, so he could be continually monitored. 

The ships CMO was a well-respected, experienced African-American woman with a "don't mess with me" attitude that reminded him of Bones, but Dr. Mathews had a much nicer bedside manner, Kirk thought. She got along nicely with Bones and the two were soon chatting away about Georgia(she was also native to that state) and the trials of taking care of accident prone Starfleet crew(redshirts and captains, generally). 

"So I see you've used up another life, Captain Kirk," she teased him as she and Bones settled him into his temporary quarters. "I'm afraid so," he answered ruefully, "I think I'm down to six lives left." "Hmm, more like two, if Doctor McCoy is to be believed. He says he can't count the number of gray hairs you've given him already." Her eyes twinkled at him in playful rebuke. "Yeah, but not for much longer. My days on active duty are almost certainly over." Jim gave a sad smile. "It was fun while it lasted." She shook her head. "If Starfleet can't find some use for that legendary brain of yours, I'd be very surprised. Keep your chin up, hero-boy." 

The journey home was mostly uneventful. Jim did his rehab, got examined to make sure things were healing normally, laid around grumbling at Bones (when Dr. Mathews wasn't around; she wouldn't stand for that), and playing chess or scrabble with his mom when she was off duty. He didn't want to be a distraction to anyone, so he mostly kept to the Medbay, occasionally going to the mess to eat.

They were two days from home when bad tidings arrived. Jim was rolling around the observation deck, thinking of the Enterprise, when his mom came up beside him unexpectedly. He looked up in surprise. "Hey, Mom, what brings you here? Thought you were on duty." 

He stopped when he saw how serious she looked. "What happened?", he asked, dread coursing through him. She laid her hand on his shoulder as she gently broke the news. "Jim, one of the crew of the crippled freighter the Enterprise was towing turned out to be a part Romulan spy. He attempted to force information out of Dr. Marcus. When she wouldn't give it to him, he went after her mind. He's been subdued and incarcerated, but Doctor Marcus is in a coma from the mental assault."

Jim couldn't believe it. He felt utterly sick. Carol had been hurt, mind violated by some sick Romulan, and he hadn't been there to help. "When?", he gritted out, squeezing the arms of the wheelchair so hard, his knuckles turned white. 

"Three days ago," Winona answered, looking at her son carefully. "Commander Spock contacted us and said she has been placed in Starfleet Medical. They're going to try bringing in some Vulcan healers soon, if she doesn't come out of this. Are you okay, honey?" Their was concern in her voice. Jim looked ready to boil over: his jaw clenched tightly and his hands in fists. 

"She was already struggling because of what happened to me. If he dredged up all the old stuff, too, no telling what kind of damage that caused. No wonder she shut down."   
Winona was a bit puzzled. She knew about Carol's problematic family, but why would Jim's accident cause additional guilt?...unless..... "You saved her from the rocks, didn't you, Jim?" He slumped and nodded. Secret was out. "And now I'm stuck here, helpless, while she's lying there unconscious." The captain looked at himself in utter disgust. 

"How in the world did he get the drop on her? She's always alert and trained in self defense. Spock's got some explaining to do." He looked positively fierce as he stared at the stars outside. 

"You seem to be very protective of her, despite what you say about her self-defense capabilities." Winona observed, seeing Jim's unusual level of turmoil. The stubborn silence from her son spoke volumes to Winona. She smiled at him and gave him an encouraging pat on the back. 

"Don't be too anxious, Jim. Well be back on earth in five days and then you can go see her."  
"Yeah, once Starfleet's finished telling me how unfit I am for command and any real duty," Jim said morosely. He spent a long time staring silently into space, wishing he wasn't such a failure at protecting those he loved. If Winona could have read his mind, she would have slapped him upside the head for that nonsense.


	11. Spock Prime helps out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock Prime tells Jim about Carol's progress and helps him get a visit with her.

Chapter 11

Unfortunately, Jim was not able to visit Carol for nearly a week after the Constitution delivered him to earth. He was taken immediately to the Medical Center and went through treatments, tests, and evaluations followed by questioning by the admirals. Bones was steaming mad when he saw how exhausted Jim was and promptly forbade visitors for a whole day after. In addition, there was the stress of avoiding media attention until an official press release was deemed appropriate. 

Jim was in an agony of suspense while awaiting Starfleet's decision and news on Carol's condition. He bugged Spock so much about it that he brought a special guest along one day. Jim's eyes lit up when he recognized the Older Spock, known as Selek to avoid confusion. "Hey, ambassador, how's it going?" He greeted the venerable Vulcan with a smile.

"Very well, Jim. It does not appear to be the case for yourself, I am sorry to see." He looked at Jim fondly, but with a touch of sadness as well. "Yep," Jim shrugged. "But I'll get a new leg and find something to do. I think Starfleet's afraid if they discharge me, I'll instantly return to my repeat offending ways. Right now, I'm more worried about my comatose Lieutenant. Have the healers been   
able to help her at all?" 

Selek looked grave. "Somewhat. But the damage was extensive. We have stabilized her mind for now, but it is much too soon to make an attempt to wake her."

Jim's face fell. "Will she recover?", he asked, picturing Carol lying lifeless for years. "I believe so," said the ambassador cautiously, "but it could involve extensive memory loss. She struggled violently against the attacker invading her mind and some things may have been violently uprooted."   
Jim felt sick at the thought of Carol struggling in the grasp of a sinister Romulan. She had been through so much already, why this? 

Old Spock went on. "Amazingly, though, my counterpart discerned that the spy was unable to access any compromising information. Dr. Marcus must have extraordinary mental fortitude."   
"Yeah, Carol's great under pressure. When Bones got his hand caught in that torpedo, she disarmed it in seconds before it blew them both to bits." Kirk was incredibly proud of her, even though he had nearly burst a blood vessel from stress during that tense moment. 

"I haven't actually talked to her since I got hurt," Jim confessed, "I'm pretty sure she was avoiding me. Can't say I blame her much. Did Spock tell you how it happened?", he asked, rubbing his   
stump. 

"He did inform me, yes," answered the Vulcan kindly, "it may be that she has illogically assigned herself blame for your injuries and does not want to see the damage she believes she caused." Kirk sighed. "I suspected that. I just wish she'd give me chance to tell her how I feel about it." 

"Perhaps you can." Old Spock made this statement with a gleam in his eyes. "She may be able to hear you and your reassurances could help ease her mental burden"  
This interested Jim very much. A chance to see her would be wonderful to him. "I like that Idea, Mr. Spock--I mean Selek, but how am I going to sneak down there without being spotted by some nosy person who'd tip off the press?" 

"I have, as you would say, connections," replied the Ambassador mysteriously, "and if the good doctor McCoy gives his consent, we will pay a visit to Doctor Marcus." 

The original Spock was was as good as his word. Just minutes after getting the okay from Bones, Jim was covertly wheeled Carol's room. Two healers greeted them when they arrived and informed them there was no change in her condition. Jim was taken aback by how still and pale she looked. He couldn't bear the thought of that lively, brilliant mind remaining dormant forever. He wheeled over to the bed and took her limp hand in his. 

"Hi, Carol, if you're in there. Please don't give up. I miss you. You don't have to carry this guilt around. I'm not mad at you and it certainly wasn't your fault the rock caught me. I'd rather have you alive than both legs and your dead body. I couldn't stand that....." He trailed off to a whisper, emotion choking him. "You see, I care a lot about you.... oh, who am I kidding?" Jim muttered, then plowed on recklessly, "I love you." He brushed a hand over her check gently. "Please wake up so I can tell you properly." He looked at her longingly for a minute before softly kissing her hand and replacing it on the sheet. Jim was very quiet when he returned to his room that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter may be delayed since I'm going to have to rewrite most of it due to a change in plot plan.   
> Spock Prime: Will Live Forever in fans hearts. I just had to include him in here.


	12. Not a Discharge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim gets some GOOD news, deals with the frenzy, and talks to his mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After much chopping, editing, re writing and smooshing, here is chapter 12. It's much more hopeful than I'd originally intended.

Chapter 12

It was just days after Kirk visited Carol that he received a visit from Admiral Barnett. He had dreaded this and was prepared for the diplomatic "we can't use you any more, here's an honorable discharge. Thanks for your service." It wasn't quite what he heard, though. 

"Kirk, I'm sorry to hear about this. You're so good at getting out of scrapes by the skin of your teeth you made us all start to believe you're made out of titanium." He shook Kirks hand good-naturedly. "Even my crazy luck has to run out eventually, sir." Kirk gave a crooked grin. "It was one of those moments I just reacted to on instinct when I saw Dr. Marcus in the path of a falling rock. Gotta protect my crew." Of course, Carol was more than just crew to him, but he wasn't going to blab that fact. 

"Yes. We certainly know what lengths you'll go to keep them safe. It's part of what makes you the best captain in the fleet and why they haven't given you a medical discharge." Kirk's head snapped up in shock. "Sir?," he questioned, unable to believe his ears. 

"We were all set to draw up the papers, but Doctor McCoy impressed us by showing how artificial leg technology has increased exponentially in the last decade and that you could be an ideal test of their function in space. It's a long shot that you'll get a ship again, but he was convincing enough that Komack decided to simply take you off active duty for now until we see how you get along with the prosthesis."

Hope filled Jim. He might not be useless, after all. If Bones thought he could fly again, he would. "Thank you, Sir", he stammered out. "I'll do my best to get back up there, even if it's a training ship."  
The Admiral smiled at him. "I'm sure you will Kirk. Pike wasn't the only one of us who believed in you." Jim swallowed the lump in his throat. It still hurt to think of his late mentor, but he was grateful that he still had some support in the Admiralty. 

"Has the press caught wind of this yet?", Kirk asked reluctantly. He knew he had been lucky to escape their barrage for so long.   
"No, lucky for everybody so far, but we're releasing a statement tomorrow to inform them that you'll be grounded due to injury for awhile. They won't be told what the injury is, but we've warned the hospital in advance to be prepared for the circus." 

"Just watch them try to get past my mom, Bones, and Spock," Jim said, a fiendish smirk on his face. Klingons would tremble before their combined wrath. Bones alone would scare anybody with the power of his angry scowls. And everyone (especially Jim) knows you don't mess with a Vulcan if you value your life. 

Thanks to the combined efforts of those aforementioned individuals plus Uhura, Jim survived the press frenzy mostly unscathed. He answered a few questions via video conference, but otherwise was strictly guarded from the public. 

He began to spend his time working extra hard to strengthen his upper body and newly healed right leg. Soon, he was walking with the aid of the parallel bars. This wasn't nearly as exciting as it should have been for him. Everything still felt wrong with Carol still in a coma. He ached to share his hopes and accomplishments with her. He missed that pretty smile. He missed her beautiful English voice. He missed their witty teasing and bantering. He missed HER. 

At the end of the second week home, he visited her again, continuing their one-sided conversation. "They've offered me a job teaching at the Academy while I'm adjusting to the new leg I'm going to get. But it might lead to flying again. They didn't discharge me. Can you believe that? Do you think I'd be any good training young cadets NOT to be like me?" He chuckled. "Like THAT'S going to happen." He paused, brushing his lips over her cheek, lightly. "Please come back, Carol. I need you." 

Winona came to visit Jim after he had finished his therapy that afternoon. She liked to bring him supper when Bones wasn't around to frown upon his less than healthy choices. After he had greedily devoured his burger and fries, he released a contented sigh and leaned back in his chair, gazing out at the twilight sky. They sat in silence for a while, just relaxing after the stress of the last week. 

Then Winona spoke. "Has Carol shown any signs of waking yet?" Jim sighed. "Not yet, but the healers no longer think there will be significant memory loss. It appears she was really determined to keep that spy out without being mentally destroyed. The Ambassador says it's remarkable. But I just want her back, Mom."

Jim sounded like a sad little boy and Winona's heart hurt for him. "You're really taken with her, aren't you, honey?", she asked gently. He colored, but didn't try to deny it or avoid the question like he had previously. "Yes I am, Mom. But I have no idea if she'd welcome it, let alone return it. Right now, I don't know if I'm more scared of her not waking, or waking up and not wanting anything to do with me." 

Winona leaned in and looked Jim in those beautiful blue Kirk eyes so like his father's. "Honey, love is always risky. I think she likes and respects you and hopefully more. But she may try to push you away at first and you'd better be prepared to prove you're not going anywhere. She's a sweet, intelligent woman and I certainly want the best for both of you. But you're both still healing."

"Yeah. And there's still the baggage from the mess with her dad and Khan." Jim sighed ruefully. "Talk about daddy issues. Carol and I could write the book on it. Mine left a legacy impossible to live up to, hers left one that lives in infamy. It's been a common topic between us." Jim had more than lived up to it, Winona thought. She was sad that he felt he had to in the first place. 

But Jim had moved on to another topic. "I took twelve steps in therapy today." He grinned proudly. "That's great, Jimmy!", she exclaimed, "you'll be able to use crutches soon." "Sure I will, soon as I can make it across the room", he confirmed. "If all goes well, I can be fitted for the artificial leg in a month." He practically bounced as he announced that fact. Winona smiled at his eagerness. They spent the rest of their time together in deep discussion on the pros and cons of various replacement limbs. Neither was aware that a certain sleeping patient had begun to stir.


	13. Carol Wakes Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carol regains consciousness and talks to Spock Prime. Jim can't wait to see her.

Carol returned to consciousness slowly but surely. She blinked up at the strange faces looking down at her. Why in the world were Vulcans in her room? Why was her head so fuzzy and her mouth so dry? Where was Jim? She remembered hearing his voice just a minute ago, or was it a day? She couldn't tell. 

One of the elderly Vulcans spoke suddenly. "Dr. Marcus, it is pleasing to see you awake. You have been in a comatose state for 3. 25 weeks." "Who are you?" she whisper-croaked through her parched mouth. His eyes went all crinkly when he smiled. A Vulcan smile? Huh. Maybe she was still out of it. "I am Selek. A Vulcan healer was requested when you suffered a psychic attack and I procured T'Lim to help heal the damage done by the assault on your mind." Oh. That Dir creature. Carol remembered his slimy hands on her mouth and shuddered. "You remember what occurred?", asked the second Vulcan, raising an eyebrow, much like Spock. She offered a sip of water and Carol accepted it gratefully. "Yes", she said weakly, "did he get much information out of me?" "He did not," answered Selek, eyeing her with respect, "your mind would not allow him access. Most humans would be severely injured from such a struggle. You must be unusually resistant." 

Carol smiled faintly. "Mum always said I had a mind of steel and stubbornness that would put a mule to shame." She paused and asked "Did they catch him?" "Indeed," Selek confirmed, "and you have been here at Starfleet Medical for three weeks. I know of a certain Captain who will be overjoyed to learn you are conscious. He has been to see you frequently." He looked like he knew a secret she didn't. 

So Jim HAD been there, Carol thought, faint memories of his earnest tones speaking to her floated through her mind. "I miss You. I need You. I love you." Had he really said that, or was it a product of her wishful thinking? Did he really feel that way even after the pain her carelessness caused? Oh, Jim, she thought. "He also wishes you to understand that he does not and will never blame you for his injury. He cares deeply for you, Doctor." Carol's eyes filled with tears. Jim would still stand by her. He didn't hate her. Relief and exhaustion swept through her in a rush. 

"You can tell him I'm going to be okay," she whispered tiredly before drifting back to real sleep. The Ambassador smiled, then excused himself to inform the doctor. 

Bones walked into Jim's room the next morning, beaming. "Jim, good news!" He proclaimed, "Your favorite weapons specialist is awake! The old hobgoblin said she came to last night." 

"What?!!" Jim nearly fell out of his chair in his excitement and shock. "Dang it!!", he hissed, "I hate being crippled, it's so darned inconvenient!" He growled in frustration as Bones helped him right himself. "You aren't crippled Jim," Bones sighed patiently. "In a few weeks, you'll be walking good as new." He helped the impatient captain into the hoverchair.   
"Is she okay? Was there memory loss?" He questioned as they rolled through the halls. "She's weak, but otherwise fine. The Vulcan healer was amazed that her mind didn't have any lasting damage." "Thank goodness", muttered Jim, shuddering at the thought. 

He wondered if she heard anything he'd said when he talked at her bedside. Hopefully, if she hated it, she'd be kind enough not to mention it. "You know, this will be the first time we've both been conscious for a conversation since the rockslide," Jim observed out loud. "Hopefully, I won't make her all tense again." 

Carol was sitting up, looking very alert when they entered her room. Jim thought she looked better than she had in a long time. Her blonde hair was combed and neat as usual and was that his imagination, or did her eyes light up when he came in? 

"Hi, Captain!", she said brightly, "I think I beat your record for time in a coma! Do you cede defeat?" "Yes, I do," he chuckled, glad to see her in a playful mood, "glad you decided to join the waking world." She laughed. "Sleeping was boring anyway. And you're looking better yourself. Looks like You're getting around nicely in that thing." She pointed at his hoverchair. 

"Oh, Yeah," he said proudly, "this baby zips around like a dream. Bones here has to run to keep up with me." He patted its side. Carol burst out laughing at the mental image of Bones running after Jim in his hoverchair, brandishing a hypo and yelling at him to "Stop! dammit!!" She hadn't really laughed in so long and it felt wonderful. The sound was music to Jim's ears.   
Bones sighed and pretended to scowl, but his eyes were twinkling, too.


	14. Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Carol confess all.

Chapter 14

"So Jim," Carol asked nervously, did you get a discharge?" She was almost afraid to ask, but she had to know. Instead of deflating him, however, it seemed to excite him. "No, actually. In fact, I might even fly again someday." He told her about the discussions with Admiral Barnett and Bones and the cool new tech on artificial legs. It gave her joy to see his enthusiasm. Jim Kirk was nothing if not adaptable.

Once they were caught up on the happenings since the accident Jim and Carol fell suddenly silent. The Vulcans had departed some time ago and Bones had excused himself as well.

That left the two of them staring at each other, wondering how to say what needed to be said. Finally, Carol gathered her courage and spoke up. "Jim", she said quietly, "I've caused you a lot of trouble and it was eating me up inside. That's why I was so reluctant to let you get close. Ambassador Selek talked to me last night and he gave me a very logical and convincing reasoning that I need not carry the burden of unnecessary guilt." She grew more earnest as she shared her heart. "I'm finally starting to feel free again, which I haven't really been since you.....died." Even now, she could hardly say the word. "I don't know how this is going to work, but I'd like to give us a try if you're still interested. A fresh start perhaps?" She ended with a hopeful look. 

Jim rolled closer and took her hand, the same one he had kissed when she was in the coma. His heart was full at hearing her words. He warmly looked her in the eyes. "Carol, I would love to start over with you. I never wanted you to carry that burden in the first place. I'm glad Vulcan logic was able to help you, but know this," he leaned forward, speaking with an intensity and sincerity that moved her, "Carol, I would gladly lose both of my legs than see you get hurt. Your life is precious." The emotion in his blue eyes stunned her. Oh, so that was how he felt. This wasn't some little flirtation, this was almost a heated gaze he was giving her. She blushed.

"Jim, I had no idea you cared so much," she said honestly. Kirk shot her a wry grin. "Yeah," he admitted, "it kind of scares me sometimes. But if you're willing to give us a try, I'll fight for it with everything I've got." 

"James," she whispered, reaching out to touch his face, "I don't know what the future holds, but I do know I want you in it." She grazed her fingers over the dents and scars along his sculpted jaw. It was a wonderfully firm jaw, she thought. Jim closed his eyes and leaned into her touch as if he hadn't felt a human being in years. 

"You know," he said, smiling thoughtfully, "I never liked it when anybody called me James. It meant I had messed up and was in big trouble. But the way you say it, it sounds different. Pleasant."  
"Maybe it's the accent," suggested Carol impishly, "you seem to get all dreamy eyes when I talk."   
"It certainly is beautiful," agreed Jim. "So much so, if you keep on, I'm going to have to kiss you."

He was being a devilish flirt again, but with clear feeling behind it. Carol decided to take the bait. She searched her memory and found just the right thing. "Okay, then," she said with a sly wink and began reciting one of Shakespeare's sonnets. 

"'Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove. Oh, no! It is an ever fixed mark, that looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's Unknown, although his height be taken.'" 

That was as far as she got, because Jim made good on his promise and kissed her.  
It was a bit awkward; her in a bed and him in a chair, but neither of them cared. Carol pulled back when she felt moisture on Jim's face. "You chose that on purpose, didn't you?", he gasped somewhat hoarsely, tear tracks visible on his face. "Telling me you love me, despite my wandering ways and altered state?" He was struggling to hold it together. Carol reached out and wiped at the tears tenderly. "Yes, James, I love you: two legs, one leg, or no legs. I thought it fit us, and it got you to kiss me." Jim laughed a bit hysterically and kissed her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used a section from Sonnet 116 because I though it fit them and Jim, especially


	15. Postscript

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chat among friends. Jim and Carol talk about their plans.

Six Weeks Later

There was a group of people gathered around a hospital room, eager to see the newborn offspring of two well-known Starfleet heroes. Spock's chest was puffed out with pride, despite his undisturbed countenance. He stared down at his tiny daughter with utter fascination. 

Lieutenants Uhura and Marcus were busy adoring and inspecting little Amanda. "She certainly has incredible genetics," remarked Kirk. He was standing alongside Carol, making highly illogical goofy faces at the baby and laughing at her early version of her father's "not-impressed" face. 

"Oh, you know it, Jim," smirked Uhura, never taking her eyes off of the baby in her arms. "Just look at those tiny pointy ears! She's so precious!", Carol gushed, helplessly smitten herself. "Very sweet," Jim agreed, enjoying the sight of his girlfriend going soft over a newborn, "but not as sweet as you." 

"You sap," Carol muttered fondly.  
"Is he like this all the time?", inquired the new mother mischievously, "I've always wondered what Jim Kirk in love would look like. Never thought I'd actually see it, but it looks good on you." "Thanks, Uhura," Jim smiled almost shyly. "And Motherhood is very becoming on you. It's clear Spock thinks so." She did look remarkably well for having delivered a baby the day before. Uhura smiled up at her Spock. "Vulcan babies come a lot faster than humans, so even a quarter Vulcan birth was easier than most first births are." 

"Yay, Vulcan efficiency," Kirk muttered. Carol snorted. Uhura giggled and shook her head. Even Spock smiled. He was downright happy these days. Kirk had counted three smiles in the space of their visit.

"Have you decided to accept the teaching position, Captain?", Spock asked him. "Yes I have," Jim replied happily, actually we both have. Carol's going to work in research and teach some, I'll be doing tactics as well as survival training courses. Now that the brass knows my artificial leg is fully functional, I may even be leading some training missions." He beamed at the thought. Spock pondered this and turned to Carol. "Do you find this satisfactory, Dr. Marcus?", he asked her. Carol managed to drag her attention away from the baby for a moment. 

"Very satisfactory, Commander," she answered brightly, sharing an affectionate look with the man she would henceforth refer to as James. "Going back out now would be very lonely without my chosen family. And someone has to take care of James T for Trouble Kirk." She poked him playfully and he mock pouted. 

Uhura laughed at their antics. "A tall order, but if anyone can do it, it's you, Carol." She was really very happy that the two of them found each other. "It's the most enjoyable job I've taken on in a long time," Carol said softly, looking at her captain. The look in his eyes expressed the love and gratitude he felt for her. In order to avoid another emotion fest, he turned to his usual corny humor. "We may have had a 'rocky' start, but now I can put my best foot forward," he quipped, grinning.

Both women groaned at the horrible pun. "How do you ever get him to shut up?", moaned Uhura, gently bouncing the baby on her shoulder, "he's insufferable like this." "Very simple," said Carol deviously. She walked over to James, grabbed him by the shirt, and stopped his mouth with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all she wrote!! Literally:) This story hasn't received much feedback, so comments are very welcomed, especially since it's the longest thing I've attempted.


End file.
